A trick to stop self criticism

Self-criticism is hard-wired in all of us. As Dr. Rick Handson puts it, our brain is like velcro for negative experiences and like Teflon for positive ones. We are raised to believe that we need to be perfect in everything- like perfection is a state anybody ever had achieved- and we struggle with ourselves and societal standards to thrive in everything. Therefore, our inner voice has an ever-growing repository of mistakes, faults and shortcomings to draw from, designed for each and every occasion we find ourselves in.

It is no surprise that we can rarely truly relax and enjoy the moment or even celebrate our success. The inner voice will step in to remind us that we need to be humble, that someone else outperformed us or that there is a new goal we should focus on, immediately. We are not allowed a second to stop and breath with relief. Do you now wonder why you are stressed or why you find it hard to remember the last time you were really happy?

We have a trick and method to make room for self-acceptance and silence the self-criticizing voice in your head. First the trick:

Give your inner voice a name and a character, make a persona of it. For example, you might decide that your inner voice is a woman called Cruella, she is an art curator and she lives on her own. Or that your inner voice is a spoilt boy, named Alfred, that vindicates with screams and insults rather than arguments. Ok, now you have put a face to your judge. Since our mind is programmed to engage in discussions with other humans- or humanized creatures, like pets- this is the first step to confront your inner voice and input some rational reactions to this emotional state.

Now the method: Whenever this person inside you starts talking, again, be mindful and calm. Notice that “Alfred is here again” and even welcome his presence. Don’t react, just be present and focus on your breath. Allow “Alfred” to say what he wants, thank him for the input and watch him sit in silence. There is nothing more for him to say if you are fully aware of what is going on, right here and now inside your mind. Take a deep breath and take your turn to talk to yourself. With love and kindness, remind yourself that you are doing your best and this more than enough. You are on a journey of self-awareness and no one will stop you from being happy. Not Alfred, not Cruella, not your parents or society. You are you and you are unique.